Freaks and Geeks

source: NBC Universal / Getty Images

As with most cult favorites, I'm late to the party on the 1999-2000 television show "Freaks and Geeks". But honestly, how many of us teens were watching "Freaks and Geeks" the first time around? Weren't we too busy setting ourselves up for later disappointment, watching The WB with its loquacious teen melodramas? Not caring about how teens lived in the oh-so-vintage '80s? How many of us touched NBC, aside from its Must See Thursday nights?

Now that I'm older (and frankly, a little bitter that life did not turn out the way The WB promised it would), I fully appreciate the quality television NBC offers. "Friday Night Lights" was probably one of its greatest gems, and "Freaks and Geeks," while not nearly as serious or earnest as "Friday Night Lights," speaks of high school with the same honesty.

This is a world where romances last two weeks, teens are too self-involved to spend more than half an episode bullying their peers, and kids are just trying to get by. Cindy is a genuinely nice girl, in spite of being a cheerleader. She is equally nice to the geeks, the freaks, and the popular kids. And one of the most balanced adults I've seen on television, guidance counselor Mr. Rosso. (Although some of the guidance counselors at my school were as bad as you hear.)

Most people of my generation seem to think that "Mean Girls" was the pinnacle of what high school was like, but I just can't relate. "Freaks and Geeks" ... that I get. And to think, one of the co-creators was Mr. Poole from "Sabrina the Teenage Witch."

2003-2004 Playlist

source: JasonMraz.com

By 2004, I very definitely had one foot in Top 40 music and one in acoustic/folk, singer-songwriterly music. I spent most of my time playing Jason Mraz, John Mayer, and Jack Johnson on repeat and wishing I was in California instead of the Northeast (don't worry, I won't subject you to my actual 2003-2004 soundtrack). Most everything else that entered my Cone of Beachy Angst seeped through via television and films.

And (this is a little difficult to admit) Michelle Branch's "Hotel Paper" was, for at least a few months, my crutch for the transition from high school to college. For leaving behind a certain someone I was convinced I would never get over. I don't know what it was about these songs (and "Goodbye To You" from her previous album), released just before I graduated from high school, that "spoke" to what I was going through. Oddly enough, Michelle did a big concert at my college the next spring. That helped me close the book on my past a little.

A page out of my diary: A fifteen year old's perspective on "The Skulls" and Paul Walker

Photo by Universal Studios

Back when I was in middle school and high school, I wrote in a paper diary religiously. Not necessarily every day, but often enough that I could be counted on to chronicle every major cultural happening in those days.

After Paul Walker passed away last week, I reflected on how I remembered him, as you do. I'd seen him in "Pleasantville" and as a jerk in "She's All That" at the movie theatre ... then again at the theatre for "The Skulls." The other movies of his I saw were "The Fast and The Furious" (I think), "Eight Below" and "Noel" (again, I think). I never thought of him as a particularly accomplished actor, just extremely beautiful. Looking back now, in my teens (when he was in his mid-to-late twenties), he should have been an obvious crush for me -- I was all about the blonde hair and blue eyes. But like some others who should have been obvious crushes (Hayden Christensen, for one), it just never happened. Now I see that he was rather harsh-looking in his twenties, and had really started "softening" and growing into his looks in the past 10 years.

So anyway, I couldn't remember who I'd gone to see "The Skulls" with, or for what reason. I've never been a movie buff or anything close to it. So I pulled out my (now huge) bag of diaries and, referencing the release date of "The Skulls," found the very entry I needed to find to quench my curiosity. Here it is ... enjoy my mortification:

April 14, 2000

Dear Nick [I named my diary after Nick Carter, duh],

I have SO much to tell you about. First of all, I'M FIFTEEN!!! I'M FIFTEEN!!! I got the Nobody's Angel CD, which is quite good. I got it for $8.99.

Me, Cat, Justine and Jenn saw "The Skulls." Okay, that's a SCARY THRILLER, but I CRIED. I'm SO STRANGE. I cried for Josh Jackson's character at the police station cuz no one would believe him. I cried at 2 other points too. One of them being when Lucas and Caleb were gonna duel. I was thoroughly afraid for Lucas. And the part when Caleb (PAUL WALKER!!) was gonna kill himself. I leaned forward [presumably where my friends were sitting] and said, "He's too hot to kill himself." And then I leaned back to see that he really was gonna kill himself. I also remember crying when the father lied to Caleb. If it can make me cry, it's a good [enough] movie.

Very distinguished tastes I had at 15, I know. I saw that "The Skulls" was on Netflix over the weekend and decided to give it another go. I didn't cry, but maybe if I hadn't been cleaning the house while watching it, I would have. Maybe.

I love that Paul Walker went on to establish himself as a guy's guy type of actor, and not just a heartthrob in a string of teen movies. I'd imagine it's pretty tough to gain the respect of a male moviegoer, especially when you're a pretty boy. Or beautiful man. Time flies.

Rest in peace, Paul Walker.

Music Video: "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)", Backstreet Boys

Have all you Backstreet Boys superfans seen the new music video for "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)"? It kind of slipped in there quietly, like many of the group's music videos between 2006 and 2009. First posted on the Backstreet Boys' Facebook page, the music video was posted this morning to the all-encompassing Vevo. (By the way, am I the only one who finds all these parenthetical song titles slightly ridiculous? What is so parenthetical about "what you're made of?" Isn't the practice of "showing 'em" inherently showing them what you're made of? See also: "Remix (I Like The)" by New Kids on the Block.) 

Anyway, I remember all those times as a teenager when a big music video would have its premiere on "TRL" and there'd be a big buzz from the fanbase leading up to it. And sometimes, if we were lucky enough, we'd get a behind-the-scenes look on "Making The Video." Back in those days, I thought music videos of the Boys against a green screen ("More Than That") were boring. Concert videos ("The One") were almost equally boring. Sci-fi-ish music videos ("Larger Than Life") were totally not my thing and were mostly avoided. Even music videos with a legitimate storyline ("The Call," "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)") did little for me.

Or maybe it's because they were overplayed on "TRL." 

I'm not really sure what constituted a good music video for the Boys to me back then. I liked "Show Me The Meaning (Of Being Lonely)," "Just So You Know," "Quit Playin' Games (With My Heart)," "All I Have To Give," etc. well enough. But my favorite BSB music video is probably the original European version of "I'll Never Break Your Heart," probably only because Nick Carter was just so gosh darn cute in his knit sweater in it. Maybe I just wanted to see glamour shots of my favorite Backstreet Boy looking good (a.k.a. not greasy, see: "Larger Than Life").

So fast forward about 18 years, and we have the music video for "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)". The song is classic Backstreet Boys-meets-Adult Contemporary ... meaning: classic Backstreet Boys. It's inspirational, it's uplifting, it admits youthful mistakes, and it believes in you. Aww.

The music video, too, is the best of classic Backstreet, but without the frills (unless you count A.J. and Brian's bare chests frills -- Us Magazine seemed to). Set against a black screen, there are no effects. Just lighting, angles, bare chests, Howie's corniness and the occasional boy band hand gesture, mostly courtesy of Nick Carter (who I guess picked up the habit too young and now can't shake it). Nothing has changed except for the elasticity of their skin. All the best of Backstreet condensed into a very simple, very focused 4 minute video. 

And the shocker is -- I don't find it boring at all. I even have to look away when Brian's flashing me. Does this mean I'm getting old?

Music & The Impressionable Years

source: Lisa Loeb's Facebook page

I was reading a Billboard magazine article on females and Billboard records by Gary Trust when I came upon this line: "(and one of my favorite years of music ever, with it coinciding, unsurprisingly, with my sophomore and junior years of high school, given that those years are generally accepted as among music fans' most impressionable eras, as many of us retain a strong bond with the songs we like early in our musical histories. It's also when songs serve as intense soundtracks to crushes, which surely helps those songs linger in our ears, and hearts, years later.)"

Okay, so that was more than just one line. I've always assumed one's most impressionable years were in one's middle school years, I've been in the "business" of all things teens and pop culture and tweeny for years now -- since I was one myself -- and I have never assumed that ages 15-17 were one's most impressionable years, musically. Is it true? Is or was it true for you?

For me, it started at 13 and lasted until about 17, so I'm not really sure. I still think the best year in music during my adolescence was 1997-1998ish, with the going of alternative music and the coming of teeny pop. The Lisa Loebs, Wallflowers and Third Eye Blinds mixed in with the Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees (Motown Records-era). I was 13. This era was my favorite not because I was crazy in love with a boy (Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys aside), but because I spent hours upon hours listening to pop station Z100 while doing my homework. (This would be loving through repetitive listening, an idea I was introduced to by the 1995 film "Mr. Holland's Opus.")

My second favorite "year" was 2000ish (age 15): Nelly, Lenny Kravitz, Eve 6, Janet Jackson, Incubus, Christina Aguilera. A sobering little-bit-of-everything, with the reigning teen idols moving into their twenties. I was, now, crazy in love with a real, live boy and true, many of these songs remind me of him and of that time, but few of them are linked to romance or in any way linked to how I felt about him.

While Googling this "phenomenon," I stumbled across something called the Impressionable Years Hypothesis, which more or less says that tastes (and music, even more so) are set during these "impressionable years," though the definition of what is "impressionable" varies, ranging from age 10 to age 30.

So that being said, which years would you consider your most impressionable years, musically? What sort of events were they linked to, if any? In terms of musical taste, has yours changed outside what is deemed "the impressionable years"?

In 2008, when I was 23, I took a road trip down South that helped me look at country music with a more open mind. I'm a country music fan now, though not of the uber-twangy stuff. Yet.

Mind Crush: Hunter Hayes

source: Hunter Hayes' Facebook page

Have you ever heard the phrase "women fall in love with their ears, men fall in love with their eyes?" I am 100% proof that this is the case, because if you look at a list of all of the celebrity crushes (if that's a measure of anything) I've ever had, 80% of them are musicians. That's a rough estimate.

This is true especially now that I'm older. Nick Carter, my ultimate celebrity crush, I can tell you I fell for with my eyes. Harry Styles ... well I can't say that my eyes didn't take part in the deliberation process, but I'll tell you that if I had been thirteen and One Direction had been my Backstreet Boys, I'd have Mrs. Niall Horan scrawled all over my notebooks. Niall's the baby-faced, innocent one, and that's generally what tweens want in their celebrity crushes -- a non-threatening entity onto which she (or he) can place all that teenage angst and sexual tension. That's what the psychologists'll tell you, anyway.

So. Hunter Hayes, the point of this blog post. Without being too mean, I'll just say that if I were thirteen, there's no way in hell I'd have given him two hoots. Even now, I'm not admitting to giving him any hoots. But this is why I'm calling it a "mind crush." As in: if I think about it long and hard enough, I could probably convince myself that I could possibly have a crush on you, but really what this is is fascination and a large case of "can I pick your brain?" (I hate that phrase, by the way, but it just seemed fitting in this context.)

I mean. The kid (who just turned 22, so technically not a kid) plays over 30 instruments and basically produces all his own music. That's enough as it is, but I've given his album(s) a once-twice-thrice over and the songs are good. Taylor Swift-level good, except his music's got this perfect roundedness that Taylor's has lost over the years -- I'm not sure if that means he's a novice or an expert.

But what's most important, especially since we're talking about crushes and teenaged girls, is his lyrical content. He's got the makings of the next John Mayer, except his lyrics are even tighter and he's four-to-five years younger than Mayer was when he became mainstream. I haven't seen or heard such romantic lyrics coming from a mainstream guy since "Your Body Is A Wonderland." (Well, maybe James Blunt gave it a go, but James Blunt is completely off my radar and is not a valid point in any argument.) But look what happened to John Mayer.

You might already know sappier-than-a-maple-tree "Wanted," but there are better Hunter Hayes love songs out there ... how's this?

well I'd run through the desert, I'd walk through the rain
get you into trouble and take all the blame
I'd paint you a picture, write you a song
and I'd do it all over if I did it all wrong
I don't want to steal you away
or make you change the things that you believe
I just wanna drink from the words you say
and be everything you need
yeah, I could be so good at loving you ...

In the words of teens today ... Dead.

I've already gone on for longer than I meant to with this veiled analysis of why Hunter Hayes is a viable "mind crush" for a twenty-something year-old. He could pass for a "rugged" version of Jesse McCartney. And by rugged, I mean half-J.R.R. Tolkien character, half-child -- somebody needs to tell him to get rid of that scruff, because it ain't helping things. He even kind of sounds like Jesse McCartney. (By the way, I mistakenly had a two-month crush on Jesse McCartney, despite having been acquaintances with one of his band members and girlfriends in the nascent phase of his solo career, when "Beautiful Soul" was coming together, but that's a story for another day ... oh, I have Jesse McCartney stories).

But the dude is a musical genius. And that is my excuse for spending 4 hours watching Hunter Hayes interviews on YouTube and listening to his album for 2 days straight.

Does he offer private songwriting lessons? Kidding, but not kidding, because really, I wish I could put together a song like he does.

2001-2002 Playlist

Back then, Nelly used to wear a Band-Aid on
his cheek for his incarcerated friend.
source: Nelly's Facebook page

The 2001-2002 school year was a transitional time in my life, for more than one reason. It was around that time, like I said in my previous playlist post, that I began to listen to more than what was being presented to me on pop radio. I branched out not only by listening to music online when I could (technology was nowhere near as advanced as it is today, or even a few years later), but also by tuning into more LiteFM radio stations to learn about the music that had paved the path to what was popular in 2001.

And of course, September 11th happened. That changed the landscape for radio for at least a few weeks, with a lot of Adult Contemporary seeping into typically youthful pop radio stations, making my exploration of different types of music easier. It was also in the fall of 2001 that I began to listen to holiday music stations, or seek them out. Maybe it was when the onset of nostalgia crept into the national consciousness, I don't know, but I hadn't ever sought out Christmas radio before. I don't think I've ever fully recovered from wanting to relive the good times, the better days.

Instead of putting the songs in an order that flows well, I basically put the songs in chronological order, with the exception of a few songs. Again, not all of these songs came out in the 2001-2002 period, as I was beginning to explore other genres of music.

- "Why," Avril Lavigne
There was a time I really liked Avril Lavigne. It was mostly at the very start of her career, before she started really coming at people and trying to prove how anti-Britney she really was, or whatever. Actually, she's a fairly talented songwriter and a lot of her songs have been really good. In terms of vocals, I've always looked at Taylor Swift as a poor man's version of Avril Lavigne. I also kind of maybe had a teeny crush on her guitarist, Evan Taubenfeld.
- "Wherever You Will Go," The Calling
- "Can't Fight The Moonlight," LeAnn Rimes
- "Learn To Fly," The Foo Fighters
- "Drowning," Backstreet Boys
- "Valentine," Martina McBride
This was one of the songs that I picked up, listening to those LiteFM stations. Turns out there were a ton of crossover country hits in 2001-2002 ... I didn't realize until I started putting this playlist together.

source: Avril Lavigne's Facebook page

- "God Bless The U.S.A.," Jump5
I even listened to a ton of Radio Disney that year (and still do when my regular stations just aren't doing it for me). I loved the beautiful harmonies of Jump5, and just the vocals. Jump5 was very, very young back then, and the purity of their voices seemed especially appropriate for this song given the circumstances of the popularity of this song at the time.
- "We Fit Together," O-Town
- "Don't Let Me Get Me," P!nk
This was one of the first P!nk songs I really liked. Incidentally, this was around the time she went very pop, rather than the rough and tough R&B gal she broke out on the scene as.
- "I Hope You Dance," Lee Ann Womack
- "In The End," Linkin Park
I went through a bit of an angry period in the winter months of that year ... this song came in handy, along with "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd and "Losing Grip" by Avril being up there. "Losing Grip" remains one of my favorite Avril Lavigne songs to this day.
- "Where Are You Christmas," Faith Hill
- "Emotion," Destiny's Child
My favorite Destiny's Child song of all time, and it's not even theirs. I loved what they did with this song, I adored the music video, and I loved the soft tenderness this song offered, and comfort.
- "Girlfriend," 'N Sync
- "Blurry," Puddle of Mudd
- "Fields of Gold," Eva Cassidy
I first heard Eva Cassidy's rendition during one of Michelle Kwan's routines at the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City, and immediately I went and downloaded the song. It's still among my top five songs.
- "I Need A Girl (Part 1)," P. Diddy and Usher, ft. Loon
- "Standing Still," Jewel
Jewel fans complained that she'd gone all pop on this record, but I didn't really care. I was going through something at the time (arguably still am), and this song really felt close to me. It was one of the first songs about identity, the Unknown and the in-between that I noticed, that came at a time I really needed to hear it. The lines "Out of the corner of my eye / was that you passing me by / a sweet sorrow is the call tomorrow" still hit me in the gut sometimes.
- "Just An Old Boyfriend," Kaci Battaglia
- "Hot in Herre," Nelly
Probably THE song of 2002. In fact, in the seventh and final season of the "Gilmore Girls," Rory and her friends threw a "2002 Party," and this was played at said party.
- "Complicated," Avril Lavigne
Don't love the song, but it brings me back every time.
- "Gangsta Lovin'," Eve and Alicia Keys
- "Just A Friend 2002," Mario
- "Heaven (Candlelight Remix)," DJ Sammy and Yanou
About a year before the DJ Sammy version of the song came out, I fell into love with Bryan Adams' version. That one will always be better or the best to me, but there's something about the Candlelight Remix ...

2000-2001 Playlist

source: MTV.com / Carlo Dalla Chiesa

I'm back to share my playlist from the 2000-2001 period, which, looking back, was probably one of the best "years" of music I can remember -- it had the perfect mix of the teenybopper music that had been so popular in the years prior, along with some alternative music of the 1990s and some hip-hop that would come to dominate pop music in the following years. The 2000-2001 period was probably one of the first years I really started to take an active interest in contemporary music outside of what was being fed to me through pop radio and MTV/VH1, so there are some songs here that may not necessarily be from the 2000-2001 time period, or songs that may not have been played on radio at all.

I started creating a Spotify playlist for this as I usually do, but so many songs were missing that I eschewed that idea and went straight for YouTube. One song from my personal iPod 2000-2001 playlist is missing from YouTube, a song that I really played the crap out of during this time period, and that song is "I Wish Me You" by Amanda Latona. She was mostly known back then for being the girlfriend of the Backstreet Boys' A.J. McLean, but she was also a former member of a girl group managed by Justin Timberlake's mother called Innosense (which I believe Britney Spears was also part of before she decided to take the solo route). Ah, who doesn't love an incestuous pop music world?

- "The Space Between," Dave Matthews Band

- "Get Over Yourself," Eden's Crush

I actually never liked this song, but a year or so after the song came out, I realized that this song had been the soundtrack to so much of that year of my life, I couldn't leave it out. I much prefer the Eden's Crush (the girl group formed by the WB show "Popstars" ... the group which Nicole Scherzinger initially started out in) song "Love This Way," which makes an appearance later on in this playlist.

- "Crazy," K-Ci and JoJo

- "So In Love With Two," Mikaila

The only reason this song is on my list is because it brings me right back every time I hear it. Even back then, I thought the song was a little too teenyboppery for me, though it had a nice R&B tone to it. I liked the girl's voice, though. Another song from this era that's similar is the song "Broken Promises" by Tonya Mitchell. Neither song fully broke pop radio, though they were played in the wee hours of the night, I guess as a trial. Wonder what ever happened to both of them.

- "Ride Wit Me," Nelly

- "If I Was The One," Ruff Endz

The grammatical errors of this song still bug me (go figure), but the melody and beat are so entrancing, I can't help but love it.

- "Natural," S Club 7

"Never Had A Dream Come True" is the S Club 7 song that most Americans are familiar with, but I was guilty of watching their kids' TV show on ABC Family back then, so I was familiar with most of their songs and kept up with their career. "Natural" was the song that really stuck out to me, because it was a teeny bit less pop and slightly more R&B, which was a style I was really fond of (and still am).

- "All For You," Janet Jackson

One of my all-time favorite songs from my teenage years. This song makes me happy to this day, and I will chair dance if I hear it. "Doesn't Really Matter" was also released as a single in 2000, and it was equally good.

source: Lenny Kravitz's Facebook page

- "I Like It," Sammie

- "Butterfly," Crazy Town

Along with "All For You," one of my all-time favorite songs of this era.

- "Smooth Criminal," Alien Ant Farm

- "I Need You," LeAnn Rimes

- "Crazy For This Girl," Evan and Jaron

- "It Wasn't Me," Shaggy

- "Love This Way," Eden's Crush

- "Lady Marmalade," Moulin Rouge soundtrack

- "Again," Lenny Kravitz

I surprised even myself when I found myself falling in love with this song. I'd already been a minor fan of Lenny Kravitz's, but this song was so simplistic in comparison to the songs I preferred. I think this is just such a simple and beautiful love song.

- "Breathe," Faith Hill

- "I'm Like A Bird," Nelly Furtado

- "More Than That," Backstreet Boys

- "No More (Baby I'ma Do Right)," 3LW

- "Drive," Incubus

Another song that defines this time in my life for me. This is such a great song, and part of what drove me towards more acoustic music.

- "Nobody Wants To Be Lonely," Ricky Martin ft. Christina Aguilera

- "Fill Me In," Craig David

I'm shocked and downright disappointed that Craig David hasn't had greater success in the United States. His music was so fresh at the time, and a fantastic fusion of pop and R&B that wasn't a filled niche at the time (and still really isn't). Plus, he's got such a pretty face.

- "All Or Nothing," O-Town

I wasn't a huge fan of O-Town, but something about this song -- or maybe the music video -- was so sad to me at the time that it made an impact and has stuck with me since. There was some controversy at the time among boy band fans over the intro of this song, as it was more or less identical to that of "Drowning" by the Backstreet Boys, a song that wasn't released until fall of 2001. Who copied who? Will we ever know?

- "How Long," Dream

Straight-up bubblegum pop, but such a princessy, girly song.

- "Here's To The Night," Eve 6

I don't think I'll ever not like this song. This song made me jealous that I wasn't a high school senior in 2001. I know it's supposed to be about a one-night stand, but that doesn't make me love the song any less. The lyrics are so true, so good for all time. The line "don't let me let you go" still haunts me to this day.

source: Eve 6's Facebook page

Ghostwriter ... what a trip.

source: Wikimedia Commons

Gaby, Lenni, Jamal, Casey, Hector, Alex, Tina. Grandma Jenkins, and of course, Ghostwriter. Do these names ring a bell? I considered myself a member of the Ghostwriter Team, and it was one of my favorite shows growing up. I had a crush on Alex Hernandez (played by David Lopez), and I wanted Tina and Alex to get together sooooo badly. And even though Alex always had a thang for Tina, I wanted to be Lenni, with her awesome singer-songwriterliness. That music video episode? Probably the coolest thing I'd seen in my 8-or-so years at the time, and likely the reason I became so insatiably obsessed with music and the music industry.

Sigh.

I remember the later episodes/seasons far better than the earlier ones, partially because my local PBS station relished in the show's popularity towards its end, and I think I watched all 5 replays of the "Attack of the Slime Monster" episodes with faux-Gaby. (Why'd you leave us, Mayteana Morales, why?) I owned at least one Ghostwriter paperback novel, had a casebook that looked suspiciously identical to Tina's, and had my very own black Paper Mate Flair pen on a string around my neck. Yes, I was that dorky, and yes, I probably really thought I was "on the case" with the rest of the child actors. I thought Jamal's multicolored, threaded backpack in the London episodes was the coolest thing next to whatever Clarissa Darling was sporting at the time. I also thought Fulton Street was where I had to be, and tried to get my parents to make a detour there every time we left the city on vacation.

Looking back, I'm really impressed with the show, its ability to pull big-name actors, and most importantly, its ability to educate without being stuffy, pedantic or condescending. Bravo, Ghostwriter.

"You gotta believe and reach for the sky / you gotta believe, let your spirit soar high ..."

I'm not gonna lie. 1993 still seems cool to me.

Goodbye, teenage dream: The last Backstreet Boy bites the dust

Before it becomes completely irrelevant (if it hasn’t already) … Nick Carter got engaged about a month ago, and he announced it via Twitter/People magazine and maybe a couple of other outlets a couple days after that, on a Friday evening. (Which, having worked in news, I find to be odd timing. You typically release a story on a Friday if you want it to land as softly and under the radar as possible.)

Nick Carter (the youngest member of the Backstreet Boys, if you didn’t know) was my ultimate celebrity crush. It’s been at least a handful of years since I have actually been attracted to him, but like many other girls, it’s just hard to let go of such a major celebrity crush. He wasn’t my first and he definitely won’t be the last, but … let’s just say he has the best of my teenage years and there will only ever be one celebrity crush like him in my life.

I started obsessing over him on the cusp of thirteen, a good 15 years ago, but I would say I hit the Backstreet Boys stride at about age 15. The notion of Nick Carter getting married was a devastating one — so devastating that I don’t think I ever really let the thought slip into my head. I didn’t even dare to imagine myself marrying the guy. I spent my entire adolescence as a big fan of the Backstreet Boys, and my early twenties. Essentially, I grew up with them, and in a way, I felt that Nick — being the youngest member of the group — grew up with us, too. In college, I watched somewhat disinterestedly as Nick went through a deck of blondes, then the trainwreck I saw coming — Paris Hilton (who I was not so disinterested about … oh Nick, you should’ve known better, PR stunt or not). And then he vowed never to get married. Check, tick, done. I didn’t have to give it another thought.

Now, if you’d asked me at age 15 where I thought the Backstreet Boys would be when I was 25, I’d probably have said “Boy Band Heaven.” At 13, I might’ve been under some grand illusion that the Backstreet Boys would still be together in 10 years and making new music, but by 15, I knew better.

Well, the Boys have certainly surprised me! And in more ways than one. Not only have they continued to make music, almost without pause, but each Backstreet Boy has gone on to get married and have children (Howie’s not gay, y’all!) … except Nick. I honestly thought he was never going to get married. I feel stupid saying it now, but I really did.

And how did I feel when I found out that fateful Friday night? Odd. As with everything these days, it was a mixed bag of emotions. (If only emotions could be as simple as they were at 15!) I felt a little sad, sure. I felt disappointed that I’d “counted” on him not ever getting married. I felt pressure to get married (silly, I know, but this societal pressure comes in all shapes and sizes). And then I felt something else, this enduring sense that I should feel more … maybe sadder that it was essentially a nail in the coffin of my adolescence.

Because, in a way, it’s THE day I’ve consciously and unconsciously dreaded since age 13. The death of my teenage dream. I mean, I’ve feared plane crashes and car accidents, but — knock on wood — they haven’t happened. And Nick Carter was The Big Kahuna for me, and The Big Kahuna is only going to get engaged for the first time once. I even have a feeling this marriage will last.

I’m not sure how I thought I would feel about this news, because I’d never thought about it. In retrospect, a sinking feeling might’ve been an appropriate response. Or maybe wistfulness. Maybe anger, bitterness and jealousy, if I’d known any more about Lauren Kitt than I’d cared to find out over the years (she’s a body builder or somesuch and she’d maybe been in a committed relationship until shortly before she got together with Nick?). I don’t know. How ARE you supposed to respond to these things? And why isn’t there an eHow article on it? I mean, there’s an entire sect of Psychology/Sociology devoted to celebrity “relationships,” and I wrote several papers on it in college. … or am I overthinking this (as I do)?

Interesting, too, is how a boy band survives with zero single members. Isn’t pop music and teen idolatry all about the unattainable? And didn’t Lou Pearlman force the guys for a while to remain tattoo-less and lie about their relationship statuses? Are we fans now just in it for the pure sake of nostalgia?

What are your thoughts? And what girlfriend/boyfriend/marriage “trauma” have you had to go through with your celebrity crushes? How did you deal?

Backstreet who?

No, I haven't forgotten the existence of my favorite boy band EVER. (Though I'll be honest with you, I'm not too happy with one Kevin Richardson for splitting when the going got rough and returning when the going got ... better.) The powers that control the Backstreet Boys' Twitter account posted this "behind-the-scenes" image of the Backstreet Boys at a recent photo shoot and challenged BSB fans to identify the five members based on their lower extremities.

 

source: The Backstreet Boys' Twitter account

You'd think that after 15+ years, we wouldn't have any problems identifying them. I'm not so confident in our devotedness, guys. I saw responses ranging the entire gamut. In fact, the only one anyone seemed to agree on was that the dude with the purple sneakers was AJ McLean, and only because ... I mean, tats and what appears to be nail polish ... or alarmingly discolored nails (hopefully from years of applying nail polish). 

My guess was, based on style and (sub, har har)stance: AJ, Kevin, Howie, Nick, Brian. 

My reasoning: Guy #2 (from the left) and Guy #4 have longer inseams than Guy #3 and Guy #5. Though Brian and Howie may have disproportionately long legs for their below-average heights, it's unlikely. Kevin and Nick are approximately the same height. Guy #4 just screams Nick Carter to me, because he's pretty much the only Backstreet Boy member to my knowledge who ever poses like that ... but don't quote me on that. Now all that remains are Guys 3 and 5. Judging from their clothing, I'm guessing Guy #5 is Brian and Guy #3 is Howie, because Brian seems much more likely to agree to wearing his pants tucked inside combat boots. 

Yes, I just spent that much time analyzing this photograph. You don't even wanna know how much time I spent analyzing the 9-member supergroup NKOTBSB's single "Don't Turn Out The Lights." Luckily Kevin hadn't returned yet ...