Gods are among us: Jordan Knight

Greek gods, that is. I've gone into detail about how I think Jordan Knight of New Kids On The Block is an Adonis before, but now I have definitive proof.

Doesn't even matter that Jordan admitted here (in what appears to be 1992, judging solely on his appearance) that even after 6 years of classical training, he has never mastered how to read music. They're just words ... words I'm surprised I even heard whilst looking at that face.

That is all.

List: Top 10 (+1) '90s Pop Albums

"Teen People" from Summer 1999

I was discussing a 2002 Village Voice article on tween pop music with my friend and sometime guinea pig the other day, which of course set me down memory's lane. Remember names like No Secrets, Leslie Carter, P.Y.T.? I wasn't a tween when those singers made it big on Radio Disney, but I enjoyed them all the same. [Side note: When throwing a low blow, we often generalize fans of teen idols as twelve or thirteen-year-olds, but in reality, how old are they really?]

On my lovely, picturesque stroll down memory lane, I conjured up non-artificially sweet memories of great pop music from the '90s till now. It still, arguably, exists! Here is my list for the 1990s (if I included them all, this entry would be out of control), in chronological order.

"MUSIC BOX," MARIAH CAREY (1993)
This is the first musical purchase I ever made (or requested to be made on my behalf), and it was in cassette tape form. I had two copies which I listened to until both broke. And I was still in the single digits, age-wise. I think that's pretty telling. I downloaded it in its digital form last year and love it every bit as much as I did back then. I actually prefer "Music Box" to "Daydream," most probably because I wasn't subject to the overplaying of most of the songs ("One Sweet Day" and "Always Be My Baby" in particular).

"FACE THE MUSIC," NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK/NKOTB (1994) 
I think this album was the New Kids' best effort, and the one that has probably garnered the least amount of attention. After a short hiatus in 1992, the New Kids came back with a new image and a new sound, one more deeply rooted in R&B ... and it was mostly rejected. I get it, teenage girls are fickle and they probably don't want their idols to look like men or have facial hair. But this album was great! From "You Got The Flavor" and "Let's Play House," which are upbeat and a little naughty, to the R&B love songs ("Never Let You Go," "I Can't Believe It's Over") to the soppy pop ones ("If You Go Away") ... it's the stuff teenaged girls' dreams are made of!

"BACKSTREET BOYS," BACKSTREET BOYS (1996) 
The Backstreet Boys album I'm referring to is not the 1997 self-titled debut album released in the United States, but the one that became an international hit when Americans were still into Alanis Morissette and grunge/ska/Coolio or whatever. The U.S. version of the album was an amalgamation of songs from two albums that had already become hits overseas. Though both of their first two albums were great, I prefer the first one because it is a little more playful and upbeat. "Let's Have A Party" will always remind me of long summer road trips with my family, and "Get Down (You're The One For Me)" is a song I can still get down to today, though only in the privacy of my own room, and "Quit Playin' Games (With My Heart)"? C'mon. 2000's "Black & Blue" was the next best BSB album for me, beating out the possibly overhyped "Millennium" (1999).

"JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT," JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT (1996) 
I don't think anyone really knows this album exists. This is actually JLH's third studio album. Jennifer Love Hewitt attempted to rekindle her singing career between 1999 and 2002, but mostly people were like, "Why is Jennifer Love Hewitt singing?" I knew the answer to that because she was a cast member of my favorite show as a child, "Kids, Incorporated." She had a beautiful voice then and I'm sure she has a beautiful voice now, but darn it, won't the world let her show it? Her self-titled album was a real gem ... I haven't really heard the earlier ones in their entirety, but this one is a little more mature than expected for the sixteen or seventeen years she was at the time, and it's laid back instead of saccharine sweet. It hits that late '90s sound right in the head, though, and does it with flying colors. Ohh, the memories of summer 1997 that come flying back when I press play ...

"KEEP ON," NO AUTHORITY (1997)
"Keep On" was NA's debut album under Michael Jackson's record label, and the (FAR) greater of the two albums they released. Around 2000, they were given a bit of an image makeover and rebranding and were then thrown against Radio Disney walls. They didn't stick and they disappeared. I spotted one of the lead singers Ricky Godinez on an episode of Audrina Patridge's VH1 reality show a couple years ago (I ain't ashamed!). He is apparently a very flamboyant pilates instructor going by the moniker Ricky Rebel now ... we knew it was bound to happen. "Keep On" has a sexy, sleek, smooth assurance that should be borderline illegal for teenage boys their age (they were about 15-18 years old at the time) to wield. Plus, these are not bad looking guys.

Music Video: "Remix (I Like The)," New Kids On The Block

I only got into New Kids On The Block in 2011, 3 years after I heard their somewhat insipid "Summertime" all over pop radio (and years and years of seeing them on VH1 specials, not to mention having to listen to my classmates talk about them when I was in elementary school ... better late than never), but even I can relate to long-time fans who are ready for new music. Their new album "10," which has a release date of April 2, is their first studio album in ... can it be true? 5 years?

"Remix (I Like The)," which has a bit of a head-scratcher title, is the first single off of the new record. Let's jump into our completely superficial analysis of the new music video for "Remix (I Like The)."

I really despise those epic, 8-minute long music videos disguised as short films. I was a little worried when I saw this. At least the cinematography's good.

I spy with my little eye red Sunny Delight. This image begins the very confusing puzzle of trying to figure out in which decade this party takes place.

Depressing, potentially 1970s through early 1990s décor. This reminds me of "The Royal Tenenbaums."

I laughed. Been there, done that.

Still trying to figure out what decade we're in.

Artemis was the "Lonely and Awkward" type of wallflower. These two are the "Snooty and Judgmental" type.

The baby's just as bewildered as I am.

The presence of spider plants makes me think it's the '70s.

Add a garden flamingo and we're set.

The five New Kids are deeply rooted in the '10s. Or maybe this is their attempt to look like the Rat Pack or some '70s quintet, but it's just not very convincing.

Here's Jordan looking like he did in the late '80s ... that's a step in the right direction.

Here's Jonathan doing the bare minimum, as usual. We know you've got personality, Jon!

And there's Kimmy Gibbler from "Full House" in the bright teal shirt and matching sunglasses, wondering how she ended up in the 1970s.

Final thoughts:

Needs more Jordan, song and video.

I like this song more now that I'm seeing a visual accompaniment. I like the harder, louder sound -- it reminds me of some of their earlier music, like "Hangin' Tough" and even "You Got It (The Right Stuff)." For the past two records, their sound has leaned R&B, but now they're getting back to, like, 1988 style.

I can also tell, by the way this video's been done, that they are really trying to appeal to their older/original fans rather than really going out of their way to make new fans. There's nothing wrong with that, especially when you're practically in your mid-40s. And why not make feel-good music for grown women? I think that's an untapped demographic. Smart move, NKOTB.

Behind-the-scenes video in which they never clarify any of my questions but look smokin' not clarifying my questions, so I'll take it.