A page out of my diary: A fifteen year old's perspective on "The Skulls" and Paul Walker

Photo by Universal Studios

Back when I was in middle school and high school, I wrote in a paper diary religiously. Not necessarily every day, but often enough that I could be counted on to chronicle every major cultural happening in those days.

After Paul Walker passed away last week, I reflected on how I remembered him, as you do. I'd seen him in "Pleasantville" and as a jerk in "She's All That" at the movie theatre ... then again at the theatre for "The Skulls." The other movies of his I saw were "The Fast and The Furious" (I think), "Eight Below" and "Noel" (again, I think). I never thought of him as a particularly accomplished actor, just extremely beautiful. Looking back now, in my teens (when he was in his mid-to-late twenties), he should have been an obvious crush for me -- I was all about the blonde hair and blue eyes. But like some others who should have been obvious crushes (Hayden Christensen, for one), it just never happened. Now I see that he was rather harsh-looking in his twenties, and had really started "softening" and growing into his looks in the past 10 years.

So anyway, I couldn't remember who I'd gone to see "The Skulls" with, or for what reason. I've never been a movie buff or anything close to it. So I pulled out my (now huge) bag of diaries and, referencing the release date of "The Skulls," found the very entry I needed to find to quench my curiosity. Here it is ... enjoy my mortification:

April 14, 2000

Dear Nick [I named my diary after Nick Carter, duh],

I have SO much to tell you about. First of all, I'M FIFTEEN!!! I'M FIFTEEN!!! I got the Nobody's Angel CD, which is quite good. I got it for $8.99.

Me, Cat, Justine and Jenn saw "The Skulls." Okay, that's a SCARY THRILLER, but I CRIED. I'm SO STRANGE. I cried for Josh Jackson's character at the police station cuz no one would believe him. I cried at 2 other points too. One of them being when Lucas and Caleb were gonna duel. I was thoroughly afraid for Lucas. And the part when Caleb (PAUL WALKER!!) was gonna kill himself. I leaned forward [presumably where my friends were sitting] and said, "He's too hot to kill himself." And then I leaned back to see that he really was gonna kill himself. I also remember crying when the father lied to Caleb. If it can make me cry, it's a good [enough] movie.

Very distinguished tastes I had at 15, I know. I saw that "The Skulls" was on Netflix over the weekend and decided to give it another go. I didn't cry, but maybe if I hadn't been cleaning the house while watching it, I would have. Maybe.

I love that Paul Walker went on to establish himself as a guy's guy type of actor, and not just a heartthrob in a string of teen movies. I'd imagine it's pretty tough to gain the respect of a male moviegoer, especially when you're a pretty boy. Or beautiful man. Time flies.

Rest in peace, Paul Walker.

Music Video: "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)", Backstreet Boys

Have all you Backstreet Boys superfans seen the new music video for "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)"? It kind of slipped in there quietly, like many of the group's music videos between 2006 and 2009. First posted on the Backstreet Boys' Facebook page, the music video was posted this morning to the all-encompassing Vevo. (By the way, am I the only one who finds all these parenthetical song titles slightly ridiculous? What is so parenthetical about "what you're made of?" Isn't the practice of "showing 'em" inherently showing them what you're made of? See also: "Remix (I Like The)" by New Kids on the Block.) 

Anyway, I remember all those times as a teenager when a big music video would have its premiere on "TRL" and there'd be a big buzz from the fanbase leading up to it. And sometimes, if we were lucky enough, we'd get a behind-the-scenes look on "Making The Video." Back in those days, I thought music videos of the Boys against a green screen ("More Than That") were boring. Concert videos ("The One") were almost equally boring. Sci-fi-ish music videos ("Larger Than Life") were totally not my thing and were mostly avoided. Even music videos with a legitimate storyline ("The Call," "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)") did little for me.

Or maybe it's because they were overplayed on "TRL." 

I'm not really sure what constituted a good music video for the Boys to me back then. I liked "Show Me The Meaning (Of Being Lonely)," "Just So You Know," "Quit Playin' Games (With My Heart)," "All I Have To Give," etc. well enough. But my favorite BSB music video is probably the original European version of "I'll Never Break Your Heart," probably only because Nick Carter was just so gosh darn cute in his knit sweater in it. Maybe I just wanted to see glamour shots of my favorite Backstreet Boy looking good (a.k.a. not greasy, see: "Larger Than Life").

So fast forward about 18 years, and we have the music video for "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)". The song is classic Backstreet Boys-meets-Adult Contemporary ... meaning: classic Backstreet Boys. It's inspirational, it's uplifting, it admits youthful mistakes, and it believes in you. Aww.

The music video, too, is the best of classic Backstreet, but without the frills (unless you count A.J. and Brian's bare chests frills -- Us Magazine seemed to). Set against a black screen, there are no effects. Just lighting, angles, bare chests, Howie's corniness and the occasional boy band hand gesture, mostly courtesy of Nick Carter (who I guess picked up the habit too young and now can't shake it). Nothing has changed except for the elasticity of their skin. All the best of Backstreet condensed into a very simple, very focused 4 minute video. 

And the shocker is -- I don't find it boring at all. I even have to look away when Brian's flashing me. Does this mean I'm getting old?

Mind Crush: Hunter Hayes

source: Hunter Hayes' Facebook page

Have you ever heard the phrase "women fall in love with their ears, men fall in love with their eyes?" I am 100% proof that this is the case, because if you look at a list of all of the celebrity crushes (if that's a measure of anything) I've ever had, 80% of them are musicians. That's a rough estimate.

This is true especially now that I'm older. Nick Carter, my ultimate celebrity crush, I can tell you I fell for with my eyes. Harry Styles ... well I can't say that my eyes didn't take part in the deliberation process, but I'll tell you that if I had been thirteen and One Direction had been my Backstreet Boys, I'd have Mrs. Niall Horan scrawled all over my notebooks. Niall's the baby-faced, innocent one, and that's generally what tweens want in their celebrity crushes -- a non-threatening entity onto which she (or he) can place all that teenage angst and sexual tension. That's what the psychologists'll tell you, anyway.

So. Hunter Hayes, the point of this blog post. Without being too mean, I'll just say that if I were thirteen, there's no way in hell I'd have given him two hoots. Even now, I'm not admitting to giving him any hoots. But this is why I'm calling it a "mind crush." As in: if I think about it long and hard enough, I could probably convince myself that I could possibly have a crush on you, but really what this is is fascination and a large case of "can I pick your brain?" (I hate that phrase, by the way, but it just seemed fitting in this context.)

I mean. The kid (who just turned 22, so technically not a kid) plays over 30 instruments and basically produces all his own music. That's enough as it is, but I've given his album(s) a once-twice-thrice over and the songs are good. Taylor Swift-level good, except his music's got this perfect roundedness that Taylor's has lost over the years -- I'm not sure if that means he's a novice or an expert.

But what's most important, especially since we're talking about crushes and teenaged girls, is his lyrical content. He's got the makings of the next John Mayer, except his lyrics are even tighter and he's four-to-five years younger than Mayer was when he became mainstream. I haven't seen or heard such romantic lyrics coming from a mainstream guy since "Your Body Is A Wonderland." (Well, maybe James Blunt gave it a go, but James Blunt is completely off my radar and is not a valid point in any argument.) But look what happened to John Mayer.

You might already know sappier-than-a-maple-tree "Wanted," but there are better Hunter Hayes love songs out there ... how's this?

well I'd run through the desert, I'd walk through the rain
get you into trouble and take all the blame
I'd paint you a picture, write you a song
and I'd do it all over if I did it all wrong
I don't want to steal you away
or make you change the things that you believe
I just wanna drink from the words you say
and be everything you need
yeah, I could be so good at loving you ...

In the words of teens today ... Dead.

I've already gone on for longer than I meant to with this veiled analysis of why Hunter Hayes is a viable "mind crush" for a twenty-something year-old. He could pass for a "rugged" version of Jesse McCartney. And by rugged, I mean half-J.R.R. Tolkien character, half-child -- somebody needs to tell him to get rid of that scruff, because it ain't helping things. He even kind of sounds like Jesse McCartney. (By the way, I mistakenly had a two-month crush on Jesse McCartney, despite having been acquaintances with one of his band members and girlfriends in the nascent phase of his solo career, when "Beautiful Soul" was coming together, but that's a story for another day ... oh, I have Jesse McCartney stories).

But the dude is a musical genius. And that is my excuse for spending 4 hours watching Hunter Hayes interviews on YouTube and listening to his album for 2 days straight.

Does he offer private songwriting lessons? Kidding, but not kidding, because really, I wish I could put together a song like he does.

Happy 20th Anniversary, Backstreet Boys!

It's kind of hard to believe that the Backstreet Boys are 20 years old today. Over the past 15+ years I've liked them, I've often thought about how quickly they shot to fame. Many stars spend years and years sloughing away before they "make it," but the Backstreet Boys found international success (maybe not here in the United States, but in Europe, Asia and Canada) within two years' time. That's amazing. Maybe Lou Pearlman really knew what he was doing all along.

I'm not going to make light of the work that the guys have undoubtedly put into their success today. They've been through a lot of ups and many downs, and a lot of us fans have been there with them along the way. And who really knew, back in their heyday, that the Backstreet Boys would still be chugging along all these years later? I'm proud that they've never stopped, and that they're doing this for reasons that have little to do with being commercially viable. And they're going to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in two days -- what a fantastic way to celebrate the past 20 years and set the tone for the future.

I don't know when the Backstreet train is going to stop, but it's been a long and crazy ride so far ... and I hope it continues for years to come. And maybe, just maybe, someday I'll actually be able to speak intelligibly to them when I officially meet them. (I've encountered Nick Carter a couple times and been too dumbfounded to speak ... at least any words that don't translate to a bunch of crazy symbols, and I've seen them all from afar, in concert and on the streets of New York.)

Now that I've paid the Backstreet Boys their due respect, it's time for a little harmless slagging. Nick Carter posted this photo on Instagram over a week ago. Tell me something doesn't look a little off to you.

source: Nick Carter's Instagram

Does his smile look extra beautiful to you?

IT'S BECAUSE THOSE AREN'T HIS REAL TEETH. They can't be.

Are you with me on this one? I've been a fan for long enough to know what Nickolas Gene Carter's teeth look like. I mean, I know I haven't been particularly faithful these last 5 years or so, but still. A man's teeth aren't gonna change on their own at 28 ... or at 33, for that matter.

source: AP, from WashingtonPost.com
Nick at age 30 (2010)

source: EW.com
Nick at age 22 (2002)

And I've always liked Nick's teeth ... jealous, even, that his top set of teeth was so straight without orthodontic help. They've always been nice and short, but straight teeth. Well, they are short no longer!

I guess a new set of chompers is another way to celebrate a 20th anniversary ... and an engagement.

Goodbye, teenage dream: The last Backstreet Boy bites the dust

Before it becomes completely irrelevant (if it hasn’t already) … Nick Carter got engaged about a month ago, and he announced it via Twitter/People magazine and maybe a couple of other outlets a couple days after that, on a Friday evening. (Which, having worked in news, I find to be odd timing. You typically release a story on a Friday if you want it to land as softly and under the radar as possible.)

Nick Carter (the youngest member of the Backstreet Boys, if you didn’t know) was my ultimate celebrity crush. It’s been at least a handful of years since I have actually been attracted to him, but like many other girls, it’s just hard to let go of such a major celebrity crush. He wasn’t my first and he definitely won’t be the last, but … let’s just say he has the best of my teenage years and there will only ever be one celebrity crush like him in my life.

I started obsessing over him on the cusp of thirteen, a good 15 years ago, but I would say I hit the Backstreet Boys stride at about age 15. The notion of Nick Carter getting married was a devastating one — so devastating that I don’t think I ever really let the thought slip into my head. I didn’t even dare to imagine myself marrying the guy. I spent my entire adolescence as a big fan of the Backstreet Boys, and my early twenties. Essentially, I grew up with them, and in a way, I felt that Nick — being the youngest member of the group — grew up with us, too. In college, I watched somewhat disinterestedly as Nick went through a deck of blondes, then the trainwreck I saw coming — Paris Hilton (who I was not so disinterested about … oh Nick, you should’ve known better, PR stunt or not). And then he vowed never to get married. Check, tick, done. I didn’t have to give it another thought.

Now, if you’d asked me at age 15 where I thought the Backstreet Boys would be when I was 25, I’d probably have said “Boy Band Heaven.” At 13, I might’ve been under some grand illusion that the Backstreet Boys would still be together in 10 years and making new music, but by 15, I knew better.

Well, the Boys have certainly surprised me! And in more ways than one. Not only have they continued to make music, almost without pause, but each Backstreet Boy has gone on to get married and have children (Howie’s not gay, y’all!) … except Nick. I honestly thought he was never going to get married. I feel stupid saying it now, but I really did.

And how did I feel when I found out that fateful Friday night? Odd. As with everything these days, it was a mixed bag of emotions. (If only emotions could be as simple as they were at 15!) I felt a little sad, sure. I felt disappointed that I’d “counted” on him not ever getting married. I felt pressure to get married (silly, I know, but this societal pressure comes in all shapes and sizes). And then I felt something else, this enduring sense that I should feel more … maybe sadder that it was essentially a nail in the coffin of my adolescence.

Because, in a way, it’s THE day I’ve consciously and unconsciously dreaded since age 13. The death of my teenage dream. I mean, I’ve feared plane crashes and car accidents, but — knock on wood — they haven’t happened. And Nick Carter was The Big Kahuna for me, and The Big Kahuna is only going to get engaged for the first time once. I even have a feeling this marriage will last.

I’m not sure how I thought I would feel about this news, because I’d never thought about it. In retrospect, a sinking feeling might’ve been an appropriate response. Or maybe wistfulness. Maybe anger, bitterness and jealousy, if I’d known any more about Lauren Kitt than I’d cared to find out over the years (she’s a body builder or somesuch and she’d maybe been in a committed relationship until shortly before she got together with Nick?). I don’t know. How ARE you supposed to respond to these things? And why isn’t there an eHow article on it? I mean, there’s an entire sect of Psychology/Sociology devoted to celebrity “relationships,” and I wrote several papers on it in college. … or am I overthinking this (as I do)?

Interesting, too, is how a boy band survives with zero single members. Isn’t pop music and teen idolatry all about the unattainable? And didn’t Lou Pearlman force the guys for a while to remain tattoo-less and lie about their relationship statuses? Are we fans now just in it for the pure sake of nostalgia?

What are your thoughts? And what girlfriend/boyfriend/marriage “trauma” have you had to go through with your celebrity crushes? How did you deal?