Things I Learned From 1D Day

To promote their latest album "Midnight Memories," someone on English-Irish boy band One Direction's team came up with the insane idea to do a 7-hour long live worldwide broadcast via YouTube. Which turned into nearly 8 hours,and should have left both Piers Morgan and Jerry Springer out of the picture entirely. What I thought would be a predominantly pre-taped video, promo-heavy broadcast actually turned out to be a variety show of sorts, ending with confetti falling over a telethon-like gathering of cast and crew singing -- alongside a satellite Michael Bublé -- "White Christmas."

1. The UK uses widely different video production terminology than the U.S. "Autocue" -- teleprompter. "VT" -- tape. I could go on.

2. Harry peels bananas from the stubby end, just like monkeys.

3. Niall is the best dancer of One Direction.

4. Harry has really made zero effort to knock down those gay or bisexual rumors, except in that one GQ interview.

5. Liam is actually a lot funnier than I thought he was.

6. But he's just as dumb as I thought he was.

7. Louis is kinder than I gave him credit for.

8. But overall, all five of them are still exactly as I thought they were.

9. I would never have gotten into college if I had been a teenager today, and for that I am thankful I am as old as I am.

10. Harry knows a surprising amount about women's fashion and hair styling.

11. Harry is also a semi-expert in pottery-making.

12. Celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving is perfectly acceptable if you are in the company of the English and Irish.

13. Cinnamon rolls are a good post-dinner choice.

14. World famous pop stars have no true understanding of time zones. Or just Louis and Liam don't.

15. And yet their geography is (mostly) better than mine.

16. I am more gullible than I thought I was. (See: Payne Train vs. the pro-wrestler)

17. 7-and-a-half hours is a long time.

18. A lot of American One Direction fans are college students. Which makes me feel less bad.

19. Harry Styles is extremely, extremely White.

20. Even though Zayn is tied as my second favorite member of One Direction, I never have anything to say about him. He's kind of boring.

21. Harry is homeless. And the wealthiest homeless person I've ever heard of.

22. Whatever their wages, the band's trainers do not get paid enough for what they are expected to do.

23. People have a lot of trouble recognizing song lyrics of very popular songs, even when awkwardly used out of context.

24. U.K. artist management teams are more generous to fans than American ones.

25. The English think Jerry Springer is far more legendary than his compatriots do.

26. Harry Styles can fly.


27. There will probably never be an explanation for the amateurish, uncomfortable video of Niall lip synching to "You and I."

28. Pop stars don't need water, food, or to pee.

29. As conniving as marketing teams are with their pre-Black Friday releases and sales pushes, there's something magical and ultimately sentimental about a teenage girl (or boy) participating in an "event" with her favorite teen idols leading up to the holidays. (See also: Around The World in 100 Hours culminating in Backstreet Over Broadway, November 21, 2000, Backstreet Boys)

30. By age 35, I should want nothing to do with boy bands and their music. According to James Corden.

You can watch a part or the whole of 1D Day below.

Lyrical Overanalysis: "Story of My Life," One Direction

source: One Direction's Facebook page

You know one of my favorite things to do is to take a simple pop diddy and critically analyze the eff out of it. So hope you're having a wonderful Saturday afternoon ... and here is my newest victim, "Story of My Life" by One Direction.

First off, kudos to the boys for being smart and running with the whole folk-acoustic-Mumford&Sons sound. Which, after decades of boy bands thinking more or less inside the box, is a relatively big risk. The sound of "Story of My Life" is the type of music I like listening to, and although I'm not in the band's target demographic, it's the music I've been hoping boy bands would make for at least ten years now. Naysayers, of course, will say that the boys are still a boy band and they're still not playing instruments or writing their own songs. And it's true.

"Story of My Life" was actually written by a trio: Jamie Scott, John Ryan and Julian Bunetta, who have in some form or another written for One Direction's previous endeavors.

To cut to the chase -- the song sounds like Mumford & Sons and U2 and Men At Work all at once. Not a bad mix for a boy band, really. The lyrics (and for fun, I'll color code them for those of you who are still learning who's who ... Harry, Liam, Zayn, Niall, Louis):

written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain
I leave my heart open, but it stays right here, empty for days
she told me in the morning she don't feel the same about us in her bones
it seems to me that when I die, these words will be written on my stone

and I'll be gone, gone tonight
the ground beneath my feet is open wide
the way that I been holding on too tight
with nothing in between

chorus
the story of my life: I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm, and time
is frozen
the story of my life: I give her hope
I spend her love until she's broke inside
the story of my life

written on these walls are the colors that I can't change
leave my heart open, but it stays right here in its cage
I know that in the morning I'll
see us in the light upon your ear
although I am broken, my heart is untamed still

and I'll be gone, gone tonight
the fire beneath my feet is burning bright
the way that I been holding on so tight
with nothing in between

chorus

and I been waiting for this time to come around
but baby running after you is like chasing the clouds

the story of my life: I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm, and time
is frozen
the story of my life: I give her hope
I spend her love until she's broke inside
the story of my life

the story of my life
the story of my life
the story of my life

The thing about songs that are a departure from the "oh girl"s is that they can be kind of ... cryptic. And not always in a good way (e.g. "I Want It That Way"). The overall message seems to be that the protagonist feels that he is constantly missing out on love. Every time he finds someone, he finds that he is not truly in love though he is going through the motions, and inevitably ends up hurting each girl he's been with.

But I can see how this song is a metaphor for what boy bands do. Not the singing and the touring and the fame and fortune, but the psychological aspects of what boy bands represent, and the shelf life of a boy band.

Let me explain. "The story of my life: I give her hope," yes? Then: "I spend her love until she's broke inside" ... a bit of a stretch for those not in-the-know, but many a teenaged girl's heart has been broken by a boy she's never even met. Or you could replace the word "love" with "parents' money."

Now the first two lines of the chorus are tailored to One Direction: "the story of my life: I take her home / I drive all night to keep her warm" ... the guys' first album was called "Up All Night" and their second album was called "Take Me Home." [This third album (which is called "Midnight Memories") might as well be called "The Story of My Life."] But also, these lines could represent both the touring aspects of their lives and their role in a fan's life, and in growing up "with" their fans.

So when a fan decides one day that "she don't feel the same about us in her bones," the boy bander's world effectively falls apart: "and I'll be gone, gone tonight / the ground beneath my feet is open wide / the way that I been holding on too tight / with nothing in between." He realizes that all this time he's spent giving hope to all these girls and chasing skirts backstage, he hasn't (necessarily) been living his own life or developing himself. What's left is a big, gaping void.

What he has left is the legacy of having been a part of a lot of girls' childhoods and adolescences: "written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain ... it seems to me that when I die, these words will be written on my stone." But his heart's hardened over time. It "stays right here, empty for days" and "stays empty in its cage," not quite knowing how to love. He's "been waiting for this time to come around," when he can love without restraint and settle down, though "running after [what I assume is the perfect girl] is like chasing the clouds." He's still looking, though he's not sure he can change his ways: "although I am broken, my heart is untamed still."

... have I made a convincing argument? Probs not, but it's all in good fun. One can turn a love song into a love song about anyone. That's the beauty of music and art.

A 20-something's guide to Harry Styles

source: fabulousmag.co.uk

Now that I am another year older (it happened this past weekend and I'm not exactly happy about it), I figured it'd be a good time to try to enlighten the unenlightened (a.k.a. convert them) to the wonder that is Harry Styles. Now, I can't speak for teen girls and why they may like Harry, but I can speak on behalf of those of us who are in our twenties.

source: WENN
I just love guys in basic, everyday clothing.

First of all, he's 19 and only a handful of months older than my refrigerator. He's one-fifth of the extremely attractive boy band that is One Direction, and he hails from Holmes Chapel in northern England. He is known mostly for his curly hair, talking extremely slowly, "dating" Taylor Swift (the jury is still out on whether it was a real relationship or a PR one) and being not only a cougar magnet, but reciprocative of the attention he gets from cougars. (That justifies this entire post.)

I can't explain what exactly it is about Harry Styles that has mature women giggling over his every whim, but I can tell you that it's not his looks. Because if you have eyes, you will agree that Zayn Malik wins the crown for Best Looking Member of One Direction. Obviously. In fact, it was Zayn who drew me to One Direction at first, but once I realized that Harry Styles was more interesting, I switched teams.

Here are some of the traits that make him attractive, among others I can't put my finger on, demonstrated through video clips.

+ He's intelligent, witty and funny without trying too hard.
I have a track record of liking boys who are less than smart, but Harry Styles is not one of them. You can tell he's quite intelligent (this interview is a great example), and sometimes you might even wonder whether he's borderline pretentious (like, he hangs out with "philosopher" Alain de Botton and frequents art galleries). But then he does something unabashedly dorky and you forgive everything.

Skip to 8:19 and try not to laugh as he asks for gold man tights.

+ He's not afraid to show his emotions.

+ He's a mummy's boy.

Okay, so maybe that video doesn't exactly demonstrate that he's a momma's boy, but maybe his multiple tattoos for his mother and sister Gemma do?