Things I Learned From 1D Day

To promote their latest album "Midnight Memories," someone on English-Irish boy band One Direction's team came up with the insane idea to do a 7-hour long live worldwide broadcast via YouTube. Which turned into nearly 8 hours,and should have left both Piers Morgan and Jerry Springer out of the picture entirely. What I thought would be a predominantly pre-taped video, promo-heavy broadcast actually turned out to be a variety show of sorts, ending with confetti falling over a telethon-like gathering of cast and crew singing -- alongside a satellite Michael Bublé -- "White Christmas."

1. The UK uses widely different video production terminology than the U.S. "Autocue" -- teleprompter. "VT" -- tape. I could go on.

2. Harry peels bananas from the stubby end, just like monkeys.

3. Niall is the best dancer of One Direction.

4. Harry has really made zero effort to knock down those gay or bisexual rumors, except in that one GQ interview.

5. Liam is actually a lot funnier than I thought he was.

6. But he's just as dumb as I thought he was.

7. Louis is kinder than I gave him credit for.

8. But overall, all five of them are still exactly as I thought they were.

9. I would never have gotten into college if I had been a teenager today, and for that I am thankful I am as old as I am.

10. Harry knows a surprising amount about women's fashion and hair styling.

11. Harry is also a semi-expert in pottery-making.

12. Celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving is perfectly acceptable if you are in the company of the English and Irish.

13. Cinnamon rolls are a good post-dinner choice.

14. World famous pop stars have no true understanding of time zones. Or just Louis and Liam don't.

15. And yet their geography is (mostly) better than mine.

16. I am more gullible than I thought I was. (See: Payne Train vs. the pro-wrestler)

17. 7-and-a-half hours is a long time.

18. A lot of American One Direction fans are college students. Which makes me feel less bad.

19. Harry Styles is extremely, extremely White.

20. Even though Zayn is tied as my second favorite member of One Direction, I never have anything to say about him. He's kind of boring.

21. Harry is homeless. And the wealthiest homeless person I've ever heard of.

22. Whatever their wages, the band's trainers do not get paid enough for what they are expected to do.

23. People have a lot of trouble recognizing song lyrics of very popular songs, even when awkwardly used out of context.

24. U.K. artist management teams are more generous to fans than American ones.

25. The English think Jerry Springer is far more legendary than his compatriots do.

26. Harry Styles can fly.


27. There will probably never be an explanation for the amateurish, uncomfortable video of Niall lip synching to "You and I."

28. Pop stars don't need water, food, or to pee.

29. As conniving as marketing teams are with their pre-Black Friday releases and sales pushes, there's something magical and ultimately sentimental about a teenage girl (or boy) participating in an "event" with her favorite teen idols leading up to the holidays. (See also: Around The World in 100 Hours culminating in Backstreet Over Broadway, November 21, 2000, Backstreet Boys)

30. By age 35, I should want nothing to do with boy bands and their music. According to James Corden.

You can watch a part or the whole of 1D Day below.

Music Video: "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)", Backstreet Boys

Have all you Backstreet Boys superfans seen the new music video for "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)"? It kind of slipped in there quietly, like many of the group's music videos between 2006 and 2009. First posted on the Backstreet Boys' Facebook page, the music video was posted this morning to the all-encompassing Vevo. (By the way, am I the only one who finds all these parenthetical song titles slightly ridiculous? What is so parenthetical about "what you're made of?" Isn't the practice of "showing 'em" inherently showing them what you're made of? See also: "Remix (I Like The)" by New Kids on the Block.) 

Anyway, I remember all those times as a teenager when a big music video would have its premiere on "TRL" and there'd be a big buzz from the fanbase leading up to it. And sometimes, if we were lucky enough, we'd get a behind-the-scenes look on "Making The Video." Back in those days, I thought music videos of the Boys against a green screen ("More Than That") were boring. Concert videos ("The One") were almost equally boring. Sci-fi-ish music videos ("Larger Than Life") were totally not my thing and were mostly avoided. Even music videos with a legitimate storyline ("The Call," "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)") did little for me.

Or maybe it's because they were overplayed on "TRL." 

I'm not really sure what constituted a good music video for the Boys to me back then. I liked "Show Me The Meaning (Of Being Lonely)," "Just So You Know," "Quit Playin' Games (With My Heart)," "All I Have To Give," etc. well enough. But my favorite BSB music video is probably the original European version of "I'll Never Break Your Heart," probably only because Nick Carter was just so gosh darn cute in his knit sweater in it. Maybe I just wanted to see glamour shots of my favorite Backstreet Boy looking good (a.k.a. not greasy, see: "Larger Than Life").

So fast forward about 18 years, and we have the music video for "Show 'Em (What You're Made Of)". The song is classic Backstreet Boys-meets-Adult Contemporary ... meaning: classic Backstreet Boys. It's inspirational, it's uplifting, it admits youthful mistakes, and it believes in you. Aww.

The music video, too, is the best of classic Backstreet, but without the frills (unless you count A.J. and Brian's bare chests frills -- Us Magazine seemed to). Set against a black screen, there are no effects. Just lighting, angles, bare chests, Howie's corniness and the occasional boy band hand gesture, mostly courtesy of Nick Carter (who I guess picked up the habit too young and now can't shake it). Nothing has changed except for the elasticity of their skin. All the best of Backstreet condensed into a very simple, very focused 4 minute video. 

And the shocker is -- I don't find it boring at all. I even have to look away when Brian's flashing me. Does this mean I'm getting old?

Ghostwriter ... what a trip.

source: Wikimedia Commons

Gaby, Lenni, Jamal, Casey, Hector, Alex, Tina. Grandma Jenkins, and of course, Ghostwriter. Do these names ring a bell? I considered myself a member of the Ghostwriter Team, and it was one of my favorite shows growing up. I had a crush on Alex Hernandez (played by David Lopez), and I wanted Tina and Alex to get together sooooo badly. And even though Alex always had a thang for Tina, I wanted to be Lenni, with her awesome singer-songwriterliness. That music video episode? Probably the coolest thing I'd seen in my 8-or-so years at the time, and likely the reason I became so insatiably obsessed with music and the music industry.

Sigh.

I remember the later episodes/seasons far better than the earlier ones, partially because my local PBS station relished in the show's popularity towards its end, and I think I watched all 5 replays of the "Attack of the Slime Monster" episodes with faux-Gaby. (Why'd you leave us, Mayteana Morales, why?) I owned at least one Ghostwriter paperback novel, had a casebook that looked suspiciously identical to Tina's, and had my very own black Paper Mate Flair pen on a string around my neck. Yes, I was that dorky, and yes, I probably really thought I was "on the case" with the rest of the child actors. I thought Jamal's multicolored, threaded backpack in the London episodes was the coolest thing next to whatever Clarissa Darling was sporting at the time. I also thought Fulton Street was where I had to be, and tried to get my parents to make a detour there every time we left the city on vacation.

Looking back, I'm really impressed with the show, its ability to pull big-name actors, and most importantly, its ability to educate without being stuffy, pedantic or condescending. Bravo, Ghostwriter.

"You gotta believe and reach for the sky / you gotta believe, let your spirit soar high ..."

I'm not gonna lie. 1993 still seems cool to me.

Happy 20th Anniversary, Backstreet Boys!

It's kind of hard to believe that the Backstreet Boys are 20 years old today. Over the past 15+ years I've liked them, I've often thought about how quickly they shot to fame. Many stars spend years and years sloughing away before they "make it," but the Backstreet Boys found international success (maybe not here in the United States, but in Europe, Asia and Canada) within two years' time. That's amazing. Maybe Lou Pearlman really knew what he was doing all along.

I'm not going to make light of the work that the guys have undoubtedly put into their success today. They've been through a lot of ups and many downs, and a lot of us fans have been there with them along the way. And who really knew, back in their heyday, that the Backstreet Boys would still be chugging along all these years later? I'm proud that they've never stopped, and that they're doing this for reasons that have little to do with being commercially viable. And they're going to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in two days -- what a fantastic way to celebrate the past 20 years and set the tone for the future.

I don't know when the Backstreet train is going to stop, but it's been a long and crazy ride so far ... and I hope it continues for years to come. And maybe, just maybe, someday I'll actually be able to speak intelligibly to them when I officially meet them. (I've encountered Nick Carter a couple times and been too dumbfounded to speak ... at least any words that don't translate to a bunch of crazy symbols, and I've seen them all from afar, in concert and on the streets of New York.)

Now that I've paid the Backstreet Boys their due respect, it's time for a little harmless slagging. Nick Carter posted this photo on Instagram over a week ago. Tell me something doesn't look a little off to you.

source: Nick Carter's Instagram

Does his smile look extra beautiful to you?

IT'S BECAUSE THOSE AREN'T HIS REAL TEETH. They can't be.

Are you with me on this one? I've been a fan for long enough to know what Nickolas Gene Carter's teeth look like. I mean, I know I haven't been particularly faithful these last 5 years or so, but still. A man's teeth aren't gonna change on their own at 28 ... or at 33, for that matter.

source: AP, from WashingtonPost.com
Nick at age 30 (2010)

source: EW.com
Nick at age 22 (2002)

And I've always liked Nick's teeth ... jealous, even, that his top set of teeth was so straight without orthodontic help. They've always been nice and short, but straight teeth. Well, they are short no longer!

I guess a new set of chompers is another way to celebrate a 20th anniversary ... and an engagement.

Backstreet who?

No, I haven't forgotten the existence of my favorite boy band EVER. (Though I'll be honest with you, I'm not too happy with one Kevin Richardson for splitting when the going got rough and returning when the going got ... better.) The powers that control the Backstreet Boys' Twitter account posted this "behind-the-scenes" image of the Backstreet Boys at a recent photo shoot and challenged BSB fans to identify the five members based on their lower extremities.

 

source: The Backstreet Boys' Twitter account

You'd think that after 15+ years, we wouldn't have any problems identifying them. I'm not so confident in our devotedness, guys. I saw responses ranging the entire gamut. In fact, the only one anyone seemed to agree on was that the dude with the purple sneakers was AJ McLean, and only because ... I mean, tats and what appears to be nail polish ... or alarmingly discolored nails (hopefully from years of applying nail polish). 

My guess was, based on style and (sub, har har)stance: AJ, Kevin, Howie, Nick, Brian. 

My reasoning: Guy #2 (from the left) and Guy #4 have longer inseams than Guy #3 and Guy #5. Though Brian and Howie may have disproportionately long legs for their below-average heights, it's unlikely. Kevin and Nick are approximately the same height. Guy #4 just screams Nick Carter to me, because he's pretty much the only Backstreet Boy member to my knowledge who ever poses like that ... but don't quote me on that. Now all that remains are Guys 3 and 5. Judging from their clothing, I'm guessing Guy #5 is Brian and Guy #3 is Howie, because Brian seems much more likely to agree to wearing his pants tucked inside combat boots. 

Yes, I just spent that much time analyzing this photograph. You don't even wanna know how much time I spent analyzing the 9-member supergroup NKOTBSB's single "Don't Turn Out The Lights." Luckily Kevin hadn't returned yet ...