Things I Learned From 1D Day

To promote their latest album "Midnight Memories," someone on English-Irish boy band One Direction's team came up with the insane idea to do a 7-hour long live worldwide broadcast via YouTube. Which turned into nearly 8 hours,and should have left both Piers Morgan and Jerry Springer out of the picture entirely. What I thought would be a predominantly pre-taped video, promo-heavy broadcast actually turned out to be a variety show of sorts, ending with confetti falling over a telethon-like gathering of cast and crew singing -- alongside a satellite Michael Bublé -- "White Christmas."

1. The UK uses widely different video production terminology than the U.S. "Autocue" -- teleprompter. "VT" -- tape. I could go on.

2. Harry peels bananas from the stubby end, just like monkeys.

3. Niall is the best dancer of One Direction.

4. Harry has really made zero effort to knock down those gay or bisexual rumors, except in that one GQ interview.

5. Liam is actually a lot funnier than I thought he was.

6. But he's just as dumb as I thought he was.

7. Louis is kinder than I gave him credit for.

8. But overall, all five of them are still exactly as I thought they were.

9. I would never have gotten into college if I had been a teenager today, and for that I am thankful I am as old as I am.

10. Harry knows a surprising amount about women's fashion and hair styling.

11. Harry is also a semi-expert in pottery-making.

12. Celebrating Christmas before Thanksgiving is perfectly acceptable if you are in the company of the English and Irish.

13. Cinnamon rolls are a good post-dinner choice.

14. World famous pop stars have no true understanding of time zones. Or just Louis and Liam don't.

15. And yet their geography is (mostly) better than mine.

16. I am more gullible than I thought I was. (See: Payne Train vs. the pro-wrestler)

17. 7-and-a-half hours is a long time.

18. A lot of American One Direction fans are college students. Which makes me feel less bad.

19. Harry Styles is extremely, extremely White.

20. Even though Zayn is tied as my second favorite member of One Direction, I never have anything to say about him. He's kind of boring.

21. Harry is homeless. And the wealthiest homeless person I've ever heard of.

22. Whatever their wages, the band's trainers do not get paid enough for what they are expected to do.

23. People have a lot of trouble recognizing song lyrics of very popular songs, even when awkwardly used out of context.

24. U.K. artist management teams are more generous to fans than American ones.

25. The English think Jerry Springer is far more legendary than his compatriots do.

26. Harry Styles can fly.


27. There will probably never be an explanation for the amateurish, uncomfortable video of Niall lip synching to "You and I."

28. Pop stars don't need water, food, or to pee.

29. As conniving as marketing teams are with their pre-Black Friday releases and sales pushes, there's something magical and ultimately sentimental about a teenage girl (or boy) participating in an "event" with her favorite teen idols leading up to the holidays. (See also: Around The World in 100 Hours culminating in Backstreet Over Broadway, November 21, 2000, Backstreet Boys)

30. By age 35, I should want nothing to do with boy bands and their music. According to James Corden.

You can watch a part or the whole of 1D Day below.